So, yesterday I had an appointment first thing in the morning and I dropped little Jax off with Grandma Ann. I picked him up around 11:00am and the screaming began and it lasted until today, so off again Jax went to Grandma Ann's so I could regain my sanity, the little of it I had left! I find it very hard not to let my guilt take over and keep him with me even though I could scream with him, but at the end of the day I know I'm a better Mum for letting him go.
Why is it that we Mum's allow the guilt to take over? Why do we know in our heads that its the best thing to do for babe and ourselves, but our hearts rip apart everytime we do it? Eleven weeks ago he was not here, albeit he was in my belly, but I was still mostly a single person, with the days being mine, my thoughts about me, what I want to accomplish in the years to come, to all of a sudden being a Mum with a little person who takes over my days, whose dreams consume my thoughts, to all the things I want him to accomplish. I find it so amazing that all of a sudden how unselfish you become, everything is about them.
When I give him up for a couple hours, there is nothing that makes me as happy as when I go to pick him up, and see him at peace; then I'm at peace, I can continue on, I can be what he needs me to be.
Sometimes a break is all I need, however short or long it may be.
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